Day 3,4 & 5
OK, so the daily chronicle of the vegan cleanse sort of fell off the rails after day 2. My Buddy Andre sent me an Email today to ask whether I had died after day 2 owing to the lack of update.
Thus I write to re-assure all of my faithful readers that I am indeed alive and well, though feeling somewhat vague and withered.
This morning, the cleanse officially ended, not with a mighty cry, but with a definitive whimper in the form of a lightly milked bowl of 'end of the box' Bran Flakes (you know the bottom of the bag where it is all little dusty bits that make a sort of gruel when the milk is added).
I think, maybe, you are supposed to let this cleanse thing drag on the full ten days. Perhaps quitting meat and all else that is good in the edible world is like quitting smoking, and there is a certain hump you need to get over before the way becomes smooth and clear and you start to regret your old ways and find yourself bashing your meat-eating friends for the injustices of factory farming and the omni-present reality of range-land degradation.
Veganism, like environmentalism, charity, animal rights activism and many other modern isms to which we subscribe are, in my opinion, manifestations of a general tendency of mankind that I like to call 'human guilt'. This guilt is essentially rooted in the idea that we have it maybe a little too good and in some way have to pay pennance for our deeds. It is the fear that when you take a left off of easy street, you realise that you were running parallel to the highway to hell, and the only way to get back to where you came from is to get onto the highway, because easy street is a one way street. But the highway has no off-ramps, just an endless series of on-ramps every few hundred metres - and the whole thing is clogged up by the traffic jam of the damned.
In the shadow of this snarling mass, it is nice to think we can gain a measure of repreive by taking control of some of our more guilt-ridden actions.
Everyone has their own way of dealing with human-guilt. Some deny it brashly and smash into the gaping maw of the highway in their shiny BM's. Some chain themselves to trees, others are compelled by their consciences to do well by our animal bretheren who, after all, we were put here to shepherd and care for.
My human guilt cannot be assuaged by veganism. My body, I have learned, does not run on ethanol, it runs on high-octane bacon. By the end of the week-long cleanse, my brain began to show signs of wear, as though the roast-beef proteins that normally carry the cellular messages in my brain were sabotaged by an army of broccoli and butternut squash antibodies staging a sit-in and bra-burning protest. The whole edifice began to crumble, and I found myself more scattered, dim-witted than normal.
En plus, an evil sort of a cold sailed into the Herbal Tea party being staged in my belly and, seizing the opportunity, marched unfettered through the black-bean battalions and took possession of my lungs and head.
Meatless and defenceless, there was nothing I could do to fight.
In any event, the exercise ends, and though I cannot say that I am ready to give up my meat-eating ways just yet, I must admit there were some benefits to the cleanse, including:
- sound sleep
- reduced gas
- less rotting meat in my garbage
- Slightly lowered environmental footprint
So all in all, perhaps not such a bad exercise, and certainly always worth trying something new for a change.
Thanks to all those who made it out to Le Café Depanneur for the show yesterday night. The next show is not yet planned, but I am working on it, and will post any developments I the music section.